It's The Coat
by Doctor Napalm
Summary: What if John discovers that Sherlock's coat is more than just a coat? A one-chapter bit of light humor with sci-fi overtones.


**It's The Coat**

By Doctor Napalm

**Author's note:** It's just one chapter, but I took some time off from working on my other stuff to get this one done before I forgot the idea. I may do some additional stories on this concept with other characters if I get a good response. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

—Ɵ—

Doctor John Watson looked out the window overlooking Baker Street. It was a typically cold, drizzly day in London. The weather had been so changeable lately; yesterday had been sunny and warm. Today, water puddled on the street and glistened with an oily sheen in the late morning light. His flat mate, Sherlock Holmes, had just finished a case and had gone into hibernation. Light snoring could be heard from behind the bedroom door. Except for an occasional trip by the detective to visit the loo, he could expect to be on his own for the next few days.

John was bored. He sat down in his chair and looked at his open laptop. It was waiting for him to update his blog, but he wanted to mull over the latest case for a few more days before posting. There were so many details and he needed to clarify a few of the more obscure clues with Sherlock before he proceeded. Sarah Sawyer was handling work at the clinic for the next few days, there was really nothing he could do there except get in the way. He had spent most of the morning picking up things around the flat, putting them back where they belonged. He was tired of cleaning, not his most favorite of tasks. The morning paper rested on the table begging to be read, but he really wasn't in a reading mood.

What kind of mood was he in? He looked around the flat. "Bored!" he said aloud, "bored, bored, bored!" Nothing to do, he needed to get out and do something different. He needed to get away from the humdrum sameness. Maybe he would just take a walk, perhaps find a new place to have lunch. Explore a little of his world. Yes, that sounded like the perfect prescription for his boredom.

He stood up and went to get his coat from the hook then stopped short. His coat was missing. After a moment he realized he had left it at the clinic yesterday. The day had been so warm he had not remembered to wear it home. He frowned. As cold and wet as it was this morning, he would need a coat if he was going to get out and about.

He looked again at his empty coat hook. There beside it hung Sherlock's distinctive black coat and scarf. The heavy wool coat was obviously too big for him, it would probably hang on him like a sack. Being much shorter than the detective, he would be lucky if the thing didn't drag on the ground. He thought about it for a moment. Sherlock wasn't going anywhere for the next day or two; perhaps he could just wear it long enough to run past the clinic and retrieve his own coat.

He reached out and took the coat off of its hook and held it up. It was deceptively lighter than it looked, and curiously didn't seem to be as long as it first appeared. Perhaps he wouldn't look too shabby in it after all. He shrugged into the garment and straightened his shoulders. Well, the sleeves were the right length. He turned to look at himself in the mirror and was amazed that it appeared to fit perfectly. He looked down at the coat. It fit. It fit! How could that be? It should be down to his ankles. He looked in the mirror again and turned to look at the back of the coat. It looked custom tailored for him.

And comfortable, very comfortable. No wonder Sherlock wore the coat almost all the time. The coat practically exuded cuddly, warm, soothing feelings. It was much nicer than his Woolrich parka. John wondered if it came in green. Where did this glorious garment come from? He opened the coat and looked for a manufacturer's label. An embroidered label was sewn inside the left breast proclaiming it to be made by Belstaff. A tingle went up his spine and an odd little thought crossed his mind, "what would you like to be today?" He ignored the thought and realized his boredom had passed. He felt exhilarated. Better than he had felt in weeks.

Another thought popped into his head, not so much a thought as a phrase. "Default settings engaged." John frowned. What an odd thought. Default settings engaged? Where had he picked that up at? He frowned and blinked his eyes, no matter. It wasn't important.

John looked to the table where he usually left his wallet. If he was going out, he'd need his ID and some cash. His half empty coffee mug sat on the corner. He recalled leaving it there while he had been cleaning earlier in the morning.

Suddenly he was startled by the word "COFFEE MUG" in a bold white sans serif font which appeared to float in midair over the cup. He stepped back a pace. What was this? Other words in smaller type started to appear over other objects in the room. "Lamp, Sofa, Mirror, Chair, Curtains." As he turned his head, each word swelled in size as he looked directly at the object it described.

He picked up his mug and examined it. As he drew it closer the text changed. "Coffee mug, white with logo of Royal Army Medical Corps. Latin slogan_: In Arduis Fidelis._ Translation: _Faithful in Adversity_. Remnants of tea at ambient temperature, 86% probability Twinings English Breakfast." He sat the cup back on the table and the text reverted to "Coffee Mug."

John looked around the room again at all of the words floating in midair. He looked at the window. "Light rain, 100% probability of continuing all afternoon, decreasing to 60% by evening. Current exterior temperature: 15° C."

"So that's how he does it!" John remarked to himself. He looked at the sleeve of the coat. "Belstaff Milford PEG. 100% Irish Wool Tweed. Waterproof. Enhanced neural interface. Currently in acquisition and analysis mode. Say 'COAT HELP' for assistance."

"Coat help," he said.

All of the floating text disappeared for a moment and then was replaced by a menu floating in the air:

BELSTAFF MILFORD PEG  
HELP MENU  
Main Command List  
Note: All commands must begin with the word "coat."

COAT HELP – Displays this menu.

COAT ACTIVE – Enables coat functions. Note: Coat automatically activates when first worn.

COAT STANDBY – Turns off coat functions.

COAT DATA – Places coat in data acquisition and analysis mode.

COAT ENHANCE – Enhances skill set of wearer by 25%.

COAT NETWORK – Connects to local wireless networks, opens voice command browser.

Say "COAT NEXT" for additional commands

"John, take off the coat."

John looked up. Sherlock stood frowning in his open bedroom door. "Take off the coat, John," he said.

"It's a trick!" said John. "You aren't that bloody smart after all! It's your freaking coat!"

Sherlock crossed the room towards John. "I'm not going to say this again. Take off the coat."

"No."

"Fine. You know I'm getting tired of this scenario, John. It's the third time this month you've discovered the coat. Last time you almost killed yourself."

"I what?"

"Coat emergency override scarlet seven."

John felt his body go rigid, unable to move. "What the hell?" he said.

"Don't worry, John," Sherlock said, "you won't remember a thing. How long have you been playing with it?"

"Uh, about a half an hour I suppose. What do you mean it's the third time this month?"

"Last time you discovered the coat you got outside and the coat alerted you to a robbery in progress. You almost got shot trying to apprehend the thieves."

"What? No, that didn't happen! Let me go!"

"I don't know why I bother to explain." Sherlock closed his eyes and sighed. He cocked his head slightly to the side and gave John a tired look. "I bought it in a second-hand shop many years ago. I don't know anything about its origin, but I suspect it had been the property of some sort of time traveler. It has multiple functions including the ability to shift time and space. It's dangerous. The only other person that knows about it is Mycroft. I need to keep it that way."

"That's it? And how do you propose to do that?"

"The coat has a neural interface, John. It's linked to your nervous system and your short term memory. The coat is going to put you to sleep. When you wake up you won't remember any of this."

Sherlock tipped John backwards on his heels and dragged him to the chair. "Coat memory wipe, forty-five minutes," he said.

John's face lost all expression, his eyes glazed over and his mouth dropped open. "Creepy," said Sherlock, "I don't think I'll ever get used to that expression on your face. Coat override release emerald five."

Sherlock pulled the coat off and let John's limp body slump into the chair. Folding the coat over his arm, he returned to his bedroom. "I've got to start being more careful," he muttered as he closed the bedroom door.

—Ɵ—

Doctor John Watson awoke with a splitting headache. Must have dozed off, he thought. He seemed to recall dreaming something silly about Sherlock's coat but couldn't quite recall the details. He looked at the window overlooking Baker Street. Rain drops dotted the pane, it was a typically cold, drizzly day in London and he was bored.


End file.
